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’ ‘Well?’ I pulled a wisp of a thing from under the shorts. ‘Tiny!’ ‘Skimpy!’ She snatched them back and folded the shorts over them. For some reason she was just as mortified about them. The whole situation was mortifying, but she wasn’t the one who had anything to be ashamed about. ‘Why do you have to change underwear to go help your brother?’ ‘Matt said he might pay me back with a beer, and that means going out in public, and out in the real world your panties have to match your bra or you’re a hopelessly socially awkward klutz who nobody ever looks at twice. I love the bra, those came with the bra, I have to bring those. Okay?’ She pushed the bundled shorts at me. ‘Girl clothes, Harriet. Welcome to the real world.’ I pushed them back. ‘I can’t wear that. Why can’t I wear the ones you’ve got on now? Why can’t I wear the clothes you’ve got on now. I need to be covered.’ I was losing control of the situation. ‘I can’t walk around with … skin … everywhere.’ ‘You want my dirty. ..they fit like a dream." They do fit you well." A little giggle escaped Britt's lips. "Your balls aren't even sticking out." That's a major consideration," I added, smiling for the first time during this latest father-daughter debacle. "Besides, there's not much to stick out."The back of Britt's right hand thumped my chest, nearly knocking me shoulders over heels. "Remember that, like, year-long study I did in college? In grad school? My thesis? Where I proved, sort of, that there really is a correlation between testicle size and, um, manliness? In quotes? The old stereotype?" Vaguely," I sighed. Must we discuss such things?"Anyway, out of, like, a sample size of nearly one hundred guys, I showed that there was a likelihood of, like, over 65 percent that men with larger balls—I won't bore you with the measurement criteria right now—would be engaged in traditional 'manly' activities," Britt making quote marks in midair, "like varsity athletics, cheerleading, driving-" Cheerleading?" I.
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